Rose/Scorpius.
Rose has had a worrying revelation, and has no idea what to do about it.
I don't own anything.
This came out of nowhere, haha. Just Rose's thoughts, obviously in her PoV. And sadly, it is somewhat autobiographical for me. For this moment in time. And just as an update, as of September 08, it is still true. Damn.
( When did HE get hot? )
I just have issues with boys.
Boy.
OH GOD I fail at life.
Right. I should calm down. Deep breathing and all that. Even though what I realised today is so momentous (well, for me…) and crazy, no, insane, that it definitely merits some kind of reaction. Oh My God.
When did Scorpius Malfoy get hot?
WHAT IS WITH THIS??
It’s like I just opened my eyes or something. Like before, I wasn’t looking properly. Like before, I never noticed how blonde his hair is. It’s so blonde, it’s almost white, but not in a creepy way. Just in a really unique, sexy way.
NO. NOT SEXY.
Okay. Like I said, breathe.
Yeah, so his hair’s blonde. But that’s not even it. Oh god, this is terrible. This is… potentially life changing. Well, not really. I need to stop exaggerating. I’m becoming one of those really stupid girls who feel the need to CREATE drama in their lives because they’re so boring.
Okay, back to Scorpius.
His hair’s blonde. And he’s really pale too… it kind of matches his hair… I don’t even know why it’s hot, but it is. It just… goes. I can’t even explain it. I’m supposed to be clever as well… I suppose top of all my classes doesn’t necessarily equate to coherency. Well, maybe it does when describing how to perform a stupid charm or something, but when it comes to things like this… kaput. It’s like my brain falls out of my head and I just can’t seem to focus on anything except how frigging beautiful he is.
Did I really just describe him as beautiful?
This is much, much worse than I thought.
But he is.
I can’t believe I just said that either.
I think it’s his eyes really. And cue the exceedingly long description of their colour. Which I can’t even describe. It’s as if, some days they’re this grey colour, that look silver and bewitching and almost dangerous, but then others, they’re blue, this really bright blue and I find myself getting lost in them, like I’m some cliché in a romance novel, and I don’t want to be that. But it’s as if they sparkle, and it’s just so mesmerising that I have to remind myself for a second who the hell these eyes belong to.
Scorpius Malfoy.
Scorpius. My best friend. That’s all he is. He’s my best friend. I’ve known him since we were both eleven, and granted, I wasn’t friends with him back then… but I have been for a few years now, and I can safely say that back then… he was not what he is now. He was this little short kid whose face didn’t seem to go with his body for some reason, and his hair was really scarily white then, and I think he’s grown into it more than anything… and well… he has definitely got better with age.
I can’t believe I’m the only one who sees this.
Well, Fiona does. Fiona my crazy roommate, but she’s liked him since first year so it must be something more than his looks that are attracting her. I think for her, it is the drama aspect of it all… I mean god knows he’s all the talks about half the time. How he looked at her in the corridor, and how she thought she had literally DIED afterwards (and she did say ‘literally died’… which made me wonder how the hell she was still talking… when people don’t use English correctly it pisses me off, don’t even ask…) and all that stuff. And for her, I know it’s because he’s meant to be this cool kid. The aloof one, who doesn’t even talk to his roommates because he’s just so cool.
What she doesn’t know is that really, he doesn’t like them because they represent everything he never wants to be. Nothing to do with being cool at all.
So yeah. Me and Fiona, in the “We Love Scorpy” club.
She does actually refer to him as Scorpy on a regular basis. It can be quite frightening.
Its as if she’s a fully paid member, no, the founder of the club, and I’ve just picked up the rulebook to have a read about what it entails. That’s all.
But I’m liking what I see, and I think I want to join.
It feels weird, me being the only one who really sees him this way. I don’t understand it. Surely when people look at him, they must see at least some of what I see?
It isn’t just his looks though. That’s what’s probably the scariest thing of all. Of course though, there is his smile too…. He doesn’t smile often, not compared to some people. Like me, I tend to smile out of politeness in most social situations, but he’s quite happy to sit back and not care, his face set in this little expression where his lips are perfectly in one straight line, and his face is entirely blank. Maybe so he doesn’t give too much away, I don’t know.
So when he does smile… it is, for want of a better word, mind-blowing. And I don’t even think that is a proper word. It kind of changes his whole face, lifting it up and making it seem even more… pretty. Ha. And when he laughs… Fiona’s lucky in some ways she hasn’t seen that, not that I know of, because if she had… well, I’m thinking she’d be dead on the floor. Literally, of course.
I’m getting off topic here. Again.
So yeah, aside from his looks. Oh, his looks. Okay, focus.
As I’ve said before, he’s very aloof. He’s a loner too. Maybe it comes from his childhood, I don’t know. He never wants to discuss anything like his parents. But his manner…. It’s all very polite. He’ll open doors for me. No-one else I know does that.
Plus he has a great sense of humour. And I feel special in some ways, because I know that usually, I’m the only one who gets to hear any of it.
Because he’s my best friend. Not a potential boyfriend, MY BEST FRIEND.
I need to keep reaffirming this to myself, because otherwise I’m going to get carried away, seriously.
He’s very funny. He seems to notice things that other people don’t, so he can slyly poke fun at them. He’s perceptive, and observant, and he can always tell when I’m upset. Not to a huge extent, because after all, he is male, but he’ll always ask me what’s wrong, and tell me to talk to him if I want.
I feel as if I mean something to him.
Oh god. This is getting so much deeper than how blonde his hair is, or how blue his eyes are. This is getting extremely dangerous.
I don’t want to end up fancying him. I really don’t. It always ends badly, and I end up being the girl crying into her pillow, eating chocolate and sobbing “it’s not fair…”… or when I’m at home, and there’s a DVD player – watching Titanic, and bawling at every romantic kiss scene. And drawing pathetic comparisons between the damn ship sinking and my own love life.
Number of times this has happened to me: 4.
No, 5.
I think I need help.
But there’s more than just me not wanting to get hurt. Again. Because yes, it’s awful when it happens, but I always get over it. It’s medically impossible to die of a literal broken heart. I think. I’ll have to look it up. But I can always bounce back, and look back on that horrendous crush on the prefect with the big head and laugh, or cringe with embarrassment at how upset I was when he, amazingly, did not return my feelings. Unsurprising, since he was a sixth year and I was eleven at the time. But yes, I can look back, and blush, and pretend it never happened, but really, I’m glad it did because really, it taught me things.
But this. No good can come of this. Of that, I am sure.
He’s a Malfoy. I’m a Weasley.
In this world, that does not compute.
Although, it could be worse. We could have the whole, Gryffindor and Slytherin thing going on. Well, we do, but that’s not an issue nowadays. Not long ago, it was completely unheard of to have people from different houses even talking to each other. I can’t even imagine that myself. I have friends from every house, and Scorpius, of course.
But… it can’t happen. Nothing can happen. Even if, by some amazing chance, he did actually like me back, of which the chances are absolutely nothing, that much can be affirmed from just looking at me, not to mention my just general idiocy… it would never actually work. Because unless we did some ridiculous secret relationship thing, my parents would kill me.
They have history with his dad.
I don’t know exactly what it is, because every time I try to ask them, they both clam up. They tend to do that when talking about the war. Either that, or my dad does this thing where he mentions little things that happened, but then never follows with an explanation, as if he’s trying to keep them a private joke between him and mum… like they were arguing, as they do pretty much constantly, and she threw a duster at him, and he said “at least it’s not canaries this time…” and no matter how many times I ask him, he refuses to explain to me where that even comes from. Or he refuses to come camping and won’t explain why, just mutters something about not enduring that again, especially not the cooking, shooting some little glance at my mum and she’ll laugh, and usually throw something at him again, and all I want to know is what the hell even happened!
So I know that even asking why they have such an intense hatred for Malfoy Sr. would be a huge waste of time. All I know is that he was on the other side, the bad one. But that really doesn’t seem enough to me. I mean, my mum gets this strange look on hr face whenever he’s mentioned, and my dad will always run over to hug her, and it would be quite romantic if a) it wasn’t my parents and b) if I wasn’t so damn confused.
So in conclusion, I can hardly go out with his son.
That is, if I was going to go out with him. Which I’m not.
Because really, this is all just a bit of fun. A way to pass time. Like, when I get bored, I can just think about how hot he is. Or maybe see what my name would look like if it wasn’t Rose Weasley, but was Rose Malfoy. Or if I’m feeling really sad, I can sit and try to draw him from memory, or from a random photo I have of him.
Even though, I’m fooling myself. And failing.
It will start like that. Me, getting just a bit flustered when he talks to me, or when his shirt rides up a little bit… laughing too hard at his jokes, even on the rare occasion that they’re crap. I’ll end up being that creepy girl who stares at him at every available occasion. Or even just at the back of his head, or his feet, or his hands or something.
But then it will escalate, and I’ll be something else entirely. I won’t just think he’s a little bit good looking. I’ll be wondering what he’s doing when I’m not with him, and what exactly that smile he gave me means… whether he talks to me because I’m his friend, or because he has some ulterior motive… if he really does fancy me as my friends are absolutely convinced (and wrong)… and if so, why he isn’t doing anything about it… And I’ll end up missing him when he’s not there, and not being able to get through the day without seeing him, and it only being a really good day if I’ve talked to him.
And after that, he’ll be almost emblazoned on my brain, so that whenever I close my eyes he’s there. The first thing I think of in the morning, and before I go to sleep. And at some point, I’ll just know I’ll be daydreaming about him and someone will ask me a question, and I’ll just blurt out “Scorpius...”
I can feel this going too far and it’s scaring me.
It’s almost as if… I’m falling in love with him.
I don’t want this. I don’t want to be one of those stupid girls who insist that it’s love, when really in two weeks time they’ll be onto their next boyfriend, possibly still possessing the old one. I don’t want to feel this way, so that whenever I’m with him, it’s all that’s on my mind.
But it’s inevitable, and I’d have to be stupid not to see that.
It’s all getting too serious now. It started off with me just thinking he wasn’t entirely physically repulsive, and now look at me. I think I’d probably do anything to have his babies or something.
This can’t happen. It just can’t. Logically, it can’t. Not just because of the family thing, but because he’s my best friend. I can’t do this. Because if this starts, properly, if I start feeling these things properly, then I won’t be able to rest properly until I find out whether whatever this is is reciprocated.
And to find that out, for certain, I’d have to ask, there’s no other way about it… and if I do that, that’s it. No going back, whatever happens.
How did this happen?
How the hell can I get myself out of this?
I think the answer there is, that I can’t. Simple.
But still, at least whenever this gets on top of me, I can just think about the way his eyes sometimes change colour and I’ll feel better.
Oh crap.
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